I
was at a point in my life where my main focus was truly Jesus and my
secondary focus was completing graduate school. I can honestly say that
in 2012, I had tunnel vision when it came to guys. My eyes were so
focused on Christ that I did not care whether a guy wanted to approach
me or not and the funny thing is, they didn’t. It was like I had some
kind of male repellant on or around me. When asked by my friends if I
was dating anyone or looking, I would usually say, “Just Jesus. I am
waiting on Him to bring the person He has for me into the picture.”
Greg and I were in the same college bible study and we went to the same
church in Tallahassee, FL. The guys and girls from the college bible
study would hang out from time to time, but Greg was not someone I hung
around when we all got together. We were cordial with each other in
bible study, at church and when we hung out.
Greg is very handsome and has always been handsome, but before we began
our courtship, I was not so fond of some of his personality traits. In
my opinion, a person’s personality can change the way they look and at
the time, his personality made him less attractive to me.
On Wednesday, April 4, 2012, my life was surprisingly changed forever. I
attended our college bible study and because our Pastor was under the
weather, he asked Greg if he would lead the bible study that night. Greg
lead a discussion on pride. As Greg was leading the discussion, I began
to think to myself, “Wow, I am really proud that he is stepping up and
leading/preaching. He is doing very well.” Out of nowhere this random
thought popped into my mind and loudly said, “THAT’S YOUR HUSBAND!” I
silently replied (in my mind), “No, it’s not!” and the thought stated,
“YES, IT IS”, and I replied, “But, no it’s not” and the thought
responded, “BUT, IT IS”, and I replied, “Uhhh, no it’s not” and the
thought responded, “UHHHH, YES IT IS!” After hearing this, I was
completely disturbed and soon after I left bible study early because it
was hard for me to sit in front of Greg with this new revelation. After
all, I had never looked at him in this light. I did not have any
feelings for him and I did not construct second-person thoughts in my
head. He was just a friend.
Needless to say, I was a wreck after hearing God speak to me in this
way. What did this mean for my relationship with Jesus? I wanted no one
to come in and take His place in my life and as observed in other
individuals relationships, boyfriends can quickly become a form of
idolatry. I did not want this. I just wanted Jesus. Not only did I think
Greg would interfere with my relationship with Christ, I also did not
think that he was right for me.
My Pastor encouraged the college students to create their individual
silhouettes of the qualities they desired for the man or woman in Christ
that God would bring them. He encouraged us to create a silhouette and
to not compromise on our desires. I wrote my silhouette on the mirror in
my bathroom. It consisted of my five desires in a boyfriend/husband.
#1 Radical for Christ (My boyfriend would have to be radical for Christ.)
#2
Love/ing Family (My boyfriend would have to love family and have a
loving family; preferably happily married mother and father. I come from
a broken family, so this was my desire. I love family.)
#3 Humorous (I love to laugh and have fun. I like silliness. I am sometimes referred to by my friends as a BIG kid. Hahaha.)
#
4 Tall (My boyfriend would have to be taller than me. I am 5’9’’ and I
have dated shorter men. I had never been comfortable with it.)
#5
College educated (I desired a boyfriend who understood the rigor of
obtaining a higher education and who displayed the determination and
dedication necessary in college.)
As I drove home from bible study, I challenged God that Greg did not
fit my silhouette. And He said (via a thought), “Go upstairs and look.
He does fit it.” I was so nervous to go up and look. I didn’t want God
to be right in this situation. I checked and Greg did fit my silhouette.
Aghhhhh. I wrestled with what I had heard on the night of April 4,
2012. I wrestled for about 2 months before I gained God’s peace about
it. I was fighting. I thought I knew better than God. Shame on me,
right!?
Three months later, I received a text message from…. Greg. "What? I never
text or call him. Why is he texting me?" I responded and he said that he
would like to talk with me. I knew what this was, but I didn’t want it
to be so. God would prove to be right! Well duh, He knows it ALL.
Greg and I talked the night of July 5, 2012, and he more or less asked
me if I would be interested in courting with him. He and I had been
friends, we had observed each others behavior for two years. We were
able to make this next step, and I was confident that God would never
fail after hearing Him telling me Greg was my husband and gaining peace
about it.
My relationship with Greg has been amazing. He is my silhouette and I
am excited about him becoming my husband. I must say, that we should
always trust in what God has planned for us. We very often times think
we know what is best for us, especially in the area of relationships,
but God knows better. He knows how our stories began, how they will
unfold, and how they will end. We must trust Him with a child-like
faith. Greg shared this verse with me at the beginning of our courtship
and I must say this verse defines what God did to my heart: Proverbs
21:1 “The king’s heart is a stream of water in the hand of the LORD; he
turns it wherever he will.” God turned my heart from not considering
Greg as a potential boyfriend. Thinking that God had it wrong, but He
turned my heart and I absolutely love that the desires of my heart are
the very desires of His heart.
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